A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Arthur is 81 years old. He has played golf every day since his retirement 16 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it" he tells his wife "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she makes a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try." "That's no good" sighs Arthur. "Your brother is 93 years old. He can't help." "He may be a ninety three" says the wife "but his eyesight is perfect."
So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."